BIRTH OF A RUBBERMAN
(zip911a@hotmail.com)

A True Story

Where do I begin?  It’s been so long ago, almost 40 years.   I suppose I should start when my 
Mom died.   I was only 10 at the time.   It was hard for me to understand.   She was here one day 
and the next she was gone.   It was a car accident.   I was very close to her.  She was all I had 
other then my step-dad.   I wasn’t that close to him as she had only married him just two years 
before.   Dad was quite busy with his job and the second job that he had was doing taxes for our 
church and for work friends.   However, I soon learned to lean on him for support in my time of 
need.   After the accident, I had trouble with sleeping and that’s when I was allowed to sleep with 
him.  It was comforting, and it drew me closer to him.  I began to trust him, and understand him 
also.  

     However I guess its about time that I should tell you of my problem with wetting the bed.   Yes, 
I grew up a bed wetter, and sometimes I even wet my pants.   At night I had to wear diapers to 
bed, along with rubber pants and I guess that’s why I have always been interested it that stuff.   I 
found myself playing with my penis and balls under the pants and diapers at night before falling to 
sleep.   Well I soon found that instead of wearing my PJ’s to bed I was wearing my Dad’s long 
underwear.  After all he did.   It didn’t take long for me to find out that in the long johns it was 
impossible for me to play with myself in them.   I had no idea that was the whole idea of his 
making me wear them.  I must have been wearing his to bed for about a week or so when one 
night he came home with two pairs that were my size.  I was instructed to wear one at night and 
the other during the day.  I didn’t question him, as it was cold out as it was in the beginning of the 
winter.  

     As the winter went on, I found myself adorned with a new coat and even a pair of heavy ski 
pants.  Although I didn’t ski, I gave it no thought as I thought it was cool.   The coat was a snorkel 
coat, and every morning he would see me off in it.
    
      It took some time for me to get over Mom, but within that first year I was back in my own bed.   
However I was still wearing my long underwear.  I didn’t mind as I found out that if I lay on my 
stomach I could rub my penis in the diaper slowly.  It felt good.   I had no idea why I liked it but it 
was enjoyable.  By now I spent every night in my long underwear and as the spring and summer 
passed I didn’t wear the long johns during the day, but I did miss them.   Dad still worked on 2 
jobs in the winter.   It left me home alone a lot and I usually liked to put my heavy coat and pants 
on as it felt good over my wool underwear.   Every so often I would climb back into the bed with 
Dad, usually long after I was put down.   I liked to cuddle up with him.   Then one really cold night, 
I climbed into the bed with him.   He woke up and then got up and went to the closet.   When he 
came back, he woke me up more and got me to sit on the edge of the bed.  He put a wool ski 
mask on over my head and said that I would be warmer if I wore it.  At first I didn’t like it.  But 
within just a few minutes I realized that I was hard between my legs, and I climbed back into the 
bed and fell asleep.   I was in my long underwear day and night from then on.  At 14 I was taken 
into the hospital for an emergency appendectomy.  That’s when we found out that the reason I 
was still wetting the bed was a heath problem and not a mental one.  There was a simple solution 
and after a few weeks of rest and recuperation from the appendectomy I was back in the hospital 
for minor surgery.   I never wet the bed or my pants again, unless I wanted too.   That winter I 
started to wear the ski mask to bed, sometimes I would get up in the morning with it on, 
sometimes not.  But I did enjoy the feeling I was having between the legs and Dad never stopped 
me.  

When I was 14 my life took a big change.   I had just came home from school and undressed to 
my long johns.  I was looking for my pants.   I looked in the closet and then in the dirty laundry.  I 
couldn't find them.  I even looked in the washer and dryer.  Still no jeans, I had other pairs but I 
really liked these.  I went into Dad’s bedroom and looked in his closet.  That’s when I saw the suit.  
It was back in the corner of the far end of the closet.  Almost hidden by other hanging clothes.  
But there it was - a black rubber diving suit.  I saw it and got rock hard, even through the wool 
underwear you could see my erect penis.   Man I had to touch it.  Then I had to get a better look, 
and if that wasn’t enough I had to take it out of the closet and really see it.  I carefully pulled it out, 
making sure that the hanger would be placed back in the same manner.    I checked the time on 
the desk clock.   It was OK, Dad wouldn’t be home for another couple of hours.  I quickly tried to 
take it off the hanger, bit it was zipped.  The pants were folded over the hanger on the inside of 
the coat.   I unzipped the coat; the zipper was an inverted one that zipped up to the chest, to undo 
it.   I pulled the coat off the hanger and pulled the pants off also.  As I got to the pants I realized 
that inside they were a bit wet, damp, and smelled funny.  I took off my underwear and grabbed 
the pants.   I pulled them up on each of my legs and pulled my feet into the bottoms.  I zipped the 
zipper to my ankles and pulled the rest of the pants up to my chest.   In fact almost to my armpits.  
Man, it felt so cool.     I could feel my rod push out on the suit.   I couldn’t wait to put the coat on.  I 
grabbed it and pulled it over my head.   I pulled and pulled until my head popped into the hood 
that was part of the top.  I then zipped it down to my crotch.  Oh how good it was, Man!  I could 
just move in it and it made me feel even better.   I snapped the tail to the front of the jacket.   I 
could feel the suit pull on me everywhere.   Every movement I made felt even better.  I played as 
if I was Mike Nelson of Sea Hunt fame, swimming down the hallway of a sunken ship, but in 
reality it was the hallway of the house.  How cool it was with my head enclosed in a rubber hood.  
I then went to my room, and played a bit in there.  I kept touching my groin to make it feel better.   
I would swim in and out of the rooms back and forth, going to the mirror in Dad’s room and then 
back in my room, then back again.  Every step I made I would feel better.   Then I turned around 
and Dad was standing in the doorway, I looked up to him and then it happened.  I shot my load, 
except that I didn’t know what I had done.   I bent over to my knees, then started crying.   I don’t 
know what I did.   It felt good, but I was crying.   Dad came over to me with a smile on his face 
and said that I must have liked the suit.   I sat on the bed, as he consoled me.  Then he helped 
me up and I thought he was going to help me undress and get back into my clothes.   But instead, 
he asked if I would like to try the rest of the suit on? I told him I didn’t care, but he went to the 
closet and pulled down the boots and even the mittens from the shelf.   As he was putting them 
on me I was getting that good feeling again.  The one between my legs.  That was the first time I 
had done that.  I wanted more but still lacked the experience to control it.   That night I was kept 
in the suit for about another hour.  
     
     The days went by fast, and I would go home thinking that I would be able to climb into the suit 
before Dad got home.   However when I ran to his closet and opened it, the suit wasn’t there.   I 
didn’t see it anywhere.   What happened to it? I must have looked for a twenty minutes, it was 
gone, and so was my erection.   Little did I know that he had locked it up in the trunk that was 
downstairs.  A week went by and I couldn’t get the image of myself in the mirror, out of my head.  
I would get erections just thinking of that day.   I didn’t say much to Dad, he was busy with his 
work, and I just watched the television.  Two weeks went by, and one Friday afternoon I came 
home from school and Dad had come home a bit early, I thought it was to do work at home, he 
sometimes did that.  But when I entered the house and went to my bedroom I stopped and said 
Hello to him from the hallway.  That’s when I got an instant hard on.  The rubber dive suit was 
lying on the spare bed.  All laid out as if someone was in it.  But I knew better.   It was for me.  I 
could tell.  He turned to me from his desk and told me that it would be good for me to wear the 
suit for a while.  I knew it too.  It would be fun.   I was undressing as he was telling me to.   I 
couldn’t wait.   I got everything off and was all but grabbing the pants to put them on.  He stopped 
me and sat me down on the bed.   He then had me put on a jock strap, similar to my gym one.   
But as I pulled it up I then realized that these were different, they had a tube extruding from the 
pouch.   As I pulled them up to my crotch, he stopped me and then played with me till I really had 
a hard on.  Then he put a rubber on over my penis.  And then pulled the jock up and over my 
erect penis.   I sure felt good.   As he put me into the legs of the pants he was explaining to me 
that the covering over my penis was to keep the suit a bit cleaner, just in case the accident might 
happen again.  After getting the suit on, he put on the boots and then zipped the leg zippers to my 
ankles, the same with the wrist zippers after getting the mitts on.   Then he put wire ties through 
the eyes of the zipper pulls, which he said was done so he would not have to watch me.  I was 
locked in the suit.  

 He would help me into the suit once a week or so, and nothing happened.  Always in the same 
manner.   Once I was in, he would rub me all over to get the air out, but soon I was filling the suit 
out without it.   But one night I was watching a diving movie, alone in the basement.  That’s when 
I was playing with myself, and that’s when it happened again.   I made enough noise to wake the 
dead.  Or Dad, but he didn’t hear me.  I got away with it, Man.  I wanted to do more.  But I went 
upstairs and ask if it was OK to get out.   Dad turned from his work and looked at me and asked if 
I really wanted out.   I said Yes, I wanted to do my homework.   He looked at me and said to go 
do it in the suit.   It might help me concentrate better.   I had a big problem with homework; I kept 
putting it off.   He set me up on the kitchen table and sat across from me.   I sat there and worked 
on the homework for another hour.   I wanted out.   I felt just like I did the first time.  By the time I 
was finished with the work I was erect again.   I kept touching myself between the legs and Dad 
across from me kept telling me to keep my mind on my homework or he would have to take more 
drastic measures.   I never asked what they might be.   It was quite difficult to rub myself through 
so many layers of rubber.   I could barely feel myself through the suit but the more I did it through 
rubber the more I enjoyed it.   Soon it was time for bed and he took me in to my room and took off 
the zip locks, and then took off the mitts and boots.  Then I took off the coat and started to undo 
the pants.  That’s when he saw that I had a full rubber.  As soon as I got the suit off he put me 
into my long underwear and put me into bed.   I still had the jock and rubber on.   After tucking me 
in he asked if I felt good doing it.   I said yes and then he asked me what I was doing when it 
happened.  I said watching television.   I told him what show and I said National Geographic - a 
diving program with Jacques Cousteau.   From then on one of the things we did was I to lie on my 
bed, and he would show me diving pictures in the magazine.   He knew that got me hard within 
the suit.

    In the morning I got up and went to him to get out of my woollies.   He took me into the 
bathroom and got the elastic jock off, then he pulled the rubber off as well and I was instructed to 
clean it out.   I did so in the sink and then took a shower.   This is how it most weeks.  I got to look 
forward to dressing in a rubber suit.   Each time I climbed in I never knew if I was to have an 
accident or not.   Sometimes I was disappointed, sometimes not.   I got used to this.   I enjoyed it.   
It was one of the few things we did together.  I was in and out of the suit so much that I wore it 
out.  By the time I was 16 I had outgrown the suit and one night I squeezed into the top and the 
zipper ripped out.   I had sweat in it so much that I rotted it.   My Dad took it back off from me and 
told me to go back into my room.   That was the first time I was really disappointed.   I knew I 
wasn’t going to be able to climb back into that one.   Before I left the room he helped me out of 
the pants and even out of my jock.  As I left the room, he told me I that I would get a new suit for 
my birthday.   It was over a month away.  What am I to do till then? I thought.

     The next few weeks were so ever slow.   I wanted to be in a suit so badly and Dad had locked 
up the other one.   Then one day I got an idea.   I had been riding my motorcycle for a few weeks, 
and school had been in session for about a week.   Dad took me to a surplus store and there he 
got me a fleece leather flight suit.  Complete with a helmet.   Oh! How I loved it.   It smelled really 
good.   And once in the pants and coat it felt good.   Almost as good as the rubber.   I didn’t let 
him know that though.    I just put them on and took them off almost as soon as I got them on.   
They fitted fine, although they were very big on me, so that was that, as far as I was concerned.   
I didn’t want him to know how much I got hard in them.  We went to the check out and the man 
behind the counter asked if I wanted the helmet.   I said very quickly Yes.  Then I realized I 
probably tipped my eagerness about the suit.   The cashier came back from the far end of the 
counter and put a helmet on top of the rest of the fleece.  Man, I was getting hard as I stood there 
with Dad.   I think he paid 25 dollars for the outfit.    Nowadays it would be in the hundreds, if not 
the thousands.   I couldn’t get it home fast enough.   I wanted Dad to go out somewhere so I 
could put it on and see if it was as good as my rubber.   But no, he came home and we fixed 
some dinner.   It was a few days before I road the motorcycle but I got into my fleece leather and 
put the helmet on with a pair of goggles I had for my crash helmet.   Man, it was good to have it 
on.   I went out to my bike, and straddled the seat and before I got the engine started I was hard.  
The smell of the coat excited me.   All the way to school I could feel my rod grow.   The longer I 
was in it, the better I felt.  But now I was at school, I had to get out of it and hang it up in my 
locker.   When I pulled my bike into the parking place two of my school friends pulled up on their 
bikes.  They first laughed at my getup.   But before I got to my locker they had decided that it was 
a cool outfit.   It was just different.   I got the pants and jacket off and hung it up in my locker.   It 
filled it.   That afternoon I went back to my locker and put on my fleece outfit, and walked to my 
bike.   I rode all the way home and I began to get hard soon after I had left the parking lot.   As 
soon as I got home I ran into the house and lay down on my bed.   With my penis hard as a rock 
inside the jeans I was wearing I lay there just for a few minutes, before I started to rub it on inside 
of the jeans.   It didn’t take long but I came in that suit and in my jeans.   I quickly got up and took 
off my pants and put them along with other dirty clothes in the wash.   I couldn’t let Dad know that 
I had done that.   I knew that if I was to get caught I might be punished.

    I didn’t say a thing to him about it.   It was my secret.   I knew I would want Throat that month I 
would get into my fleece and cum once or twice a week.  I would put on my wool turtleneck 
sweater and the suit, and let it go.   Usually it took only just a few minutes.   I found if I rubbed my 
penis on the inside of the fleece I would cum.   After the first time I had done that, I would wrap 
plastic sandwich bags around my penis.   That kept it contained and mostly off the fleece.   Then I 
got caught humping in the fleece.   Dad had come in on me one afternoon, and I was pulled from 
the bed, and he undressed me, and took off the fleece suit.  I then had to explain that I had never 
done that before, but I could not help it.   It had been a while since I had been in the rubber suit 
and I really missed it.   Plus my birthday was just a week away, how much longer would I have to 
wait?  He said that my suit was on order but that I would be lucky to get it by my birthday.   I had 
no idea that it had to be made in Sweden.   My birthday came and went and at this point I could 
only dream of what I wanted.   I would come home on my cycle and just dream of what I wanted.   
Almost another two weeks passed and it was now well into the winter months.   I got home one 
Friday afternoon and in the garage was Dad’s car.   He had come home to do some tax work.   I 
walked into the house and went to his room to say Hi.   He turned to me and handed me the keys 
to the car.   He said the suit was in the trunk.   I was so excited.   I couldn’t wait to get there.   I 
quickly went and got it and brought it back to his room.   It was in a big box.   He helped me undo 
the box and as he pulled it out I got real hard.   I couldn’t believe my eyes.   As he pulled the suit 
out it became enormously big.  The hood and boots were molded to the suit and the zipper went 
from the chest to the back of the neck through the crotch.   I wanted in and now.   As I undressed 
he went to the basement and came back with the attachments, the jock and a new rubber.   He 
helped me into the jock and he didn’t need to get me up this time.  I was hard.   So he slipped the 
rubber over my penis and then slipped it through the sheath.   I then put my feet into the legs of 
the suit and popped the feet into the booties.   One foot at a time.  Then I was helped with the 
sleeves and put my wrists into the seals.   Wow!  Then Dad helped me put my head in the neck 
and hood.   After I had done that, he had me stand up and the suit fitted over my body.   Then he 
started the zipper from the chest and zipped it through my crotch, and then to the back of my 
neck.   The suit fit was very different to the one before.   It was baggy everywhere except in the 
wrists, head and neck.   As I moved to the other side of the room, I also felt the huge zipper pull in 
my crotch.   I only got a few feet when Dad had me come back and get my mitts put on.   He took 
out brand new mittens - 3 finger ones.  They slipped over my hands and up the sleeves of the 
suit.   The cuff of the mitts had to be rolled up and once they were finished they almost went to 
my elbows.   There was no way I could get them off.   I felt so helpless.  But good all the same.  
Every step I took I could feel my stiff cock, rubbing and bouncing inside the suit.  As I walked to 
the basement to watch some television, I couldn’t help but to feel my stiff cock bouncing within 
the suit.  I rubbed my self the best that I could, but I couldn’t feel much,.  Through so much 
rubber.  


     As I walked down the hall and through the kitchen on the way to the stairs, I walked a bit funny 
in the suit.  It was a bit hard to keep my balance, the rubber boots were quite large, and the 
shinny rubber that covered the soles squeaked as I walked across the kitchen floor.   I do 
remember stumbling the first step or two.   My penis was slapping up against the suit from the 
inside making me even harder.   I walked down the stairway each step down would pull even 
tighter on my crotch pulling me down and making me happier.  I finally got to the TV and went to 
turn it on.  It took both of my mitted hands to turn the tinny knob.  As it warmed up I turned the 
channel to another station; it too took both of my hands.  As I sat down on the couch, Dad came 
down, and sat next to me.   He sometimes did this just to keep an eye on me I think.  He didn’t 
want me playing with myself.  This was extremely difficult to do in this suit.  It was so thick.   I 
could work up a sweat just rubbing myself in the crotch.   I had tried that on the way down the 
stairs.  I decide I should wait till I get down in a more conformable position.  Then he came down.

     It wasn’t too long before he opened up one of the National Geographic Magazines.   He 
immediately showed me off a diver in a suit and gear.  Just entering the icy water somewhere in 
the Arctic.   It looked cold, everyone around him were dressed in heavy clothes.   I glanced at the 
pictures and immediately went to rub myself.  He told me to keep my hands to my side.   I really 
liked the picture ; I was staring at it when he told me not to play with myself.  I could feel my rod 
grow harder and harder, there was a bit more room in this suit for that.   I really enjoyed that 
picture.  I would go back to that magazine every so often just to get hard.   He also showed me 
other pictures of divers in suits just like what I had on.  It was becoming harder for me to sit still.   
I guess we were there for about 10 minutes and the phone rang.  He went upstairs to get it.  It 
was impossible for me to run to the phone, or hear much through the receiver.  The hood of the 
suit was very thick.   I sat there and rubbed as hard as I could.   Hoping that he would not come 
back until I could relieve myself.  No such luck, he returned shortly.   I quickly removed my hands 
from my crotch.   He explained on the way over to me that he needed to leave for a bit.   He had 
to pick up some papers from a man, tax papers for him to figure his taxes.  He wanted me to get 
out of the suit.   I didn’t really want to, but I knew that I wouldn’t be allowed to stay in it here alone.   
I was quite disappointed, I ask if I could stay in, he told me No.  I asked again and told him I 
wouldn’t have any accidents.  Then he said that I could come with him.   I really didn’t want to do 
that, but it was the only way to stay in my rubber.   This could only be done if I were to cover the 
suit up, with my snowsuit.  He went to the closet and pulled it out, as he was pulling on the legs 
over the rubber it was quite evident that the snowsuit was too small.   I suggested that I wear my 
fleece leather motorcycle suit He went up and got the pants, and coat.  That gave me a few 
minutes to rub myself a bit more.  But not enough.  Dad returned and zipped the pant on me, and 
adjusted the suspenders over the shoulders, and then added the coat.  He then put me into the 
fleece boots that were in the basement.  And then added the helmet.   It was so cool.  I felt like I 
had been carried away on a cloud, my hearing was cut in half.  And the fleece of the suit fitted 
nice and tight against the rubber.   As I climbed my way up the stairway, I felt very horny; I could 
feel the rubber suit rub tightly against my crotch.  I wanted to cum, but I resisted.  One of the first 
times I tried not to.  I thought of other things, things that didn’t turn me on.  I made it all the way to 
the car, and he sat me down and put the seat belt on over me.   I had just installed those belts a 
week or two before.  Little did I know that they would be used to restrain me from movement?  
We drove for about half an hour, and got to the city of Canby, There he turned into a short dirt 
driveway, and parked the car.   He got out and told me that he would be just a few minutes.   I sat 
there, fogging up the windows.   I really felt good, but had such an exciting time, thinking that 
someone may see me like this.  What did I look like? Did I look too much over dressed?  I knew it 
was cold out.  But I couldn’t tell.  I was sweating inside the rubber.   Some sweat was seeping 
through the seal all around my face, and it was getting the fleece helmet damp, I could smell it 
was so exciting, very pungent smell.   Dad must have been in there for about half an hour, much 
longer then I had expected, being belted in like this I was not able to play with myself at all.  
Through all the layers of fleece and rubber I had to hit myself to feel much.   So I just sat there.  
My erection came and went with things that I was thinking about.   I like the idea of being out in 
public, dressed like this.  Even though it was dark out.   There seemed to be an air of excitement 
of being discovered.  Just then the porch light came on and the opened as my Dad walked 
through the door.  As he walked closer to the car I removed the condensation from the window.  
He wasn’t alone; his friend was walking with him.  This aroused me to no end.   Was he brining 
him out to meet me? Man I was hard, and felt like my heart was beating 1,000 times a minute.   
No thank God, he stopped at the edge of the walk, I guess he didn’t want his feet getting muddy.  
As Dad opened the door to the Rambler, the dome light came on.  I thought sure that the man 
would see what I had on.  Man I was excited, and scared at the same time.   But as Dad stepped 
into the car, the man had already retreated back into the doorway of his home.   I didn’t say much 
to Dad, all the way home.  He didn’t say much to me except asking me if I was OK.

Upon returning home I again needed help.  It was impossible for me to undo the seat belt, or 
even open the car door.  We entered the laundry room from the garage and I proceeded to my 
bedroom.  I really needed to be by myself.  But as I was entering the hallway I saw myself in the 
corner of my eye, from the mirror in the front room.  I stooped and looked at myself, and then it 
happened.  Oh what a feeling !  Again I exploded.   Man, it lasted for a while too.  I drooped to my 
knees and finished what was happening.  Dad followed behind me and picked me up from my 
knees.  He helped me into his bedroom where he laid me down on the spare bed.  He knew I was 
exhausted.   He told me to lie there and take a nap.   I did so, willingly.  I soon fell asleep and I 
was off to slumberland.  That was the first time I sleep in rubber.   I didn’t make it totally through 
the night but almost.  I awoke humping on my stomach.  I had no idea how long I had been 
asleep however Dad wasn’t in his bed.  He heard me stirring on the bed and came in and helped 
me out of the fleece suit.  I was sweating a lot.  Humping on the bed just made me hotter and 
harder.  Once I was out of the fleece I felt better but Dad told me to not do that anymore.  Or I 
would be hot again.   I went back to sleep hard.  And then I woke up later in the morning.  He was 
sitting by my side when I awoke.  Dad sat me on the edge of the bed, so he could remove my 
mittens.  Once off he then unzipped me and helped me out.  I no longer was hard.  When I got 
out, my rubber-covered penis was full, and it was leaking down and through the elastic sheath.    
It was very sticky and I was sent to the shower to get it off.   That was the first time I had cum 
more then once in any suit.  I was extremely exhausted but it was so good.   That is how it was 
for the next few months, once in a while Dad would get out the suit, and put me in for a few hours.  
Sometimes  3 or 4… and usually at the end of my session he would allow me to rub my penis on 
the inside of the suit to ejaculate.  I did this by humping on the bed or floor.  He would stand and 
watch me every time, to make sure that I didn’t handle myself through the rubber.  I just wasn’t 
allowed to touch myself there when I was doing it.  Throughout the years that followed, I would be 
dressed once a week or so, and at times I got to go out in my suits.   I would put up Christmas 
lights on the house in my gear, and also my Dad and I would go for hikes in the Mt.  Hood 
National Forrest.   There I always had my fleece leather on or something over the dry suit.  I did 
get a new snowsuit, and also other gear to wear over the rubber.   Each time I would go into the 
woods was a new experience; sometimes I wouldn’t make it there without cumming.  Sometimes I 
would hump a log to relieve myself.  Or I was ask, to not cum.   It all was different.  As the older I 
became the better I was off in controlling my sex organ.  But I was never perfect.  This was the 
routine for about 6 years, before I left home.  I was 21 when I went out on my own.   Not too long 
after I left home Dad died, of a heart attack.   I never did get my questions answered.  Until one 
day at work a cab over garbage truck came in for some engine work.   When they flipped the cab 
up, I got my eyes full of X-rated magazines.   I was given one to look at.   Low and behold it was 
full of rubber people, all wearing tight suits of latex rubber.  Man, I got hard and tried to hide it 
from my co-workers.   I learned a lot that day.  But my questions still didn’t get answered.  I went 
into withdraws.  I knew it was wrong, but why … I went home that night and threw all the stuff 
away.  Except the suit of leather, and the dry suit.   I thought maybe I could sell them.  It wasn’t 
long before I found out that I couldn’t keep from climbing into my suits, lay on the bed and hump 
till I ejaculated.    I have done this alone  for 40 + years now.  I know I will not change.  I do enjoy 
this to the max.  I do miss the control.   Now I try to control myself, I wear rubber daily, and at 
night sometimes.